Hunger Games Meets Survivor and I’m Bringing Donuts

KrispyKreme copyI recently read (here) how 200,000 people are volunteering to (essentially) play a suicidal game of Hunger Games meets Survivor. Otherwise known as an application for a oneway ticket to Mars.

There weren’t even 200,000 people signing up for Obamacare in the first month. So does that mean 200,000 people would rather die than sign up for ‘affordable’ healthcare?

I digress.

I’m still a little at a loss as to why people would travel all the way to a place where they know they will die, probably fight to the death over a dwindling food supply and run out of oxygen in a short amount of time.

Sounds fun. (Insert sarcasm)

With all these people willingly wanting to go to Mars and to never return, I got to thinking. If I was one of the few lucky chosen ones, what 10 things would I bring with me?


Here are the top 10 things I would bring with me:

1. A dozen (fresh) Krispy Kreme Donuts. Nothing says comfort food quite like a donut when thinking about how you’ll never return to earth. Ever. Again. Just the warm glaze oozing from my lips would make me feel better. Albeit however brief the moment.  (Eat your heart out, you’re going to eventually die on Mars anyway)

2. Bacon. If I have to explain to you why this is in the top 10, I’ll just assume you were born with Ageusia. Don’t know what that weird word means? Your welcome —> Definition of Ageusia.

3. Swiss Army Knife. I grew up watching MacGyver . He fixed any bad situation he was in with this bad mamajama. I’m sure the knife could make oxygen somehow if needed.

4. Duct Tape. If it can hold a kid to ceiling (think I’m kidding? see evidence here), I’m pretty sure it can hold a lot of other things together when you’re in a jam on mars.

5. Coffee. There is no explanation needed. There is no survival without it. Simple enough.

6. Toothpick. There is nothing worse than food stuck in your teeth (especially bacon) that you can’t get out. (I know some of you will point out that the Swiss Army knife will have one, but if you ever see a Swiss Army knife, it’s always missing. It’s the first thing to go missing the first week you get one, next to the itty bitty tweezers)

7. Toilet Paper. From all the fancy pictures I have seen of Mars, the only substitute looks like a lot of red rocks. Ouch.

8. Instagram. How else are you going to share your selfie on the red planet? #selfie #onMars #redplanet #OneWayTicket #MartianPoser Want to know when not to take a selfie? —> “5 Rules of When Not to Take a Selfie” 

9. Google. Google makes everything better. How many days can a human live without food? Google it. How to know if one of your Mars travel buddies doesn’t like you anymore? Google it. How do you survive on Mars? Google it. How cold is it on Mars? You get the idea.

10. Legos. Yes. They provide hours of entertainment. Especially in a barren place like Mars. Best Lego creations here.


What would you bring on your oneway trip to Mars?

  • Steve Goble

    I’m taking some lacrosse sticks. Gotta teach the Martians the best game on Earth!

    • Jesse Hoover

      That would be fun.